Great news for Seniors
The AARP
Negotiates with the USGA
to Modify the Rules of Golf
for Seniors!
Rule 1.a.5
A ball sliced or hooked
into the rough shall be
lifted and placed on the
fairway at a point equal
to the distance it
carried or rolled into
the rough with no
penalty. The senior
should not be penalized
for tall grass which
groundskeepers failed to
mow.
Rule 2.d.6 (b)
A ball hitting a tree
shall be deemed not to
have hit the tree. This
is simply bad luck and
luck has no place in a
scientific game.
The senior player must
estimate the distance
the ball would have
traveled if it had not
hit the tree and play
the ball from there.
Rule 3.b.3 (g)
There shall be no such
thing as a lost ball;
the missing ball is on
or near the course and
will eventually be found
and pocketed by someone
else, making it a stolen
ball. The player is not
to compound the felony
by charging himself or
herself with a penalty.
Rule 4.c.7 (h)
If a putt passes over a
hole without dropping,
it is deemed to have
dropped. The law of
gravity supersedes the
Rules of Golf.
Rule 5.
Putts that stop close
enough to the cup that
they could be blown in,
may be blown in. This
does not apply to balls
more than three inches
from the hole. No
one wants to make a
travesty of the game.
Rule 6.a.9 (k)
There is no penalty for
so-called "out of
bounds." If
penny-pinching golf
course owners bought
sufficient land, this
would not occur. The
senior golfer deserves
an apology, not a
penalty.
Rule 7.g.15 (z)
There is no penalty for
a ball in a water
hazard, as golf balls
should float. Senior
golfers should not be
penalized for
manufacturers'
shortcomings.
Rule 8.k.9(s)
Advertisements claim
that golf scores can be
improved by purchasing
new golf equipment.
Since this is
financially
impracticable for many
senior golfers, one-half
stroke per hole may be
subtracted for using old
equipment.
Please advise all your
Senior friends of these
important rule changes.
Golf Truisms
Golf
can best be defined as an endless
series of tragedies, obscured by the
occasional miracle, followed by a
good bottle of beer
Golf! You hit down to make the
ball go up. You swing left and
the ball goes right. The
lowest score wins. And on top
of that, the winner buys the drinks.
Golf is harder than baseball.
In golf, you have to play your foul
balls.
If you find you do not mind playing
golf in the rain, the snow, even
during a hurricane, here's a
valuable tip: Your life is in
trouble.
Golfers who try to make everything
perfect before taking the shot,
rarely make a perfect shot.
The term "mulligan" is really a
contraction of the phrase "maul it
again."
A "gimme" can best be defined as an
agreement between two golfers ...
neither of whom can putt very well.
An interesting thing about golf is
that no matter how badly you play,
it is always possible to get worse.
Golf's a hard game to figure.
One day you'll go out and slice it,
shank it, hit into all the traps,
and miss every green. The next
day you go out and for no reason at
all you really stink.
I
play in the low 80s. If it's
any hotter than that, I won't play.
If your
best shots are the practice swing
and the "gimme putt", you might wish
to reconsider this game.
Golf is the only sport where the
most feared opponent is you.
Golf is like marriage: If you
take yourself too seriously it won't
work .. and both are expensive.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags
is the pencil.
To some golfers, the greatest
handicap is the ability to add
correctly.
In golf, some people tend to get
confused with all the numbers...
they shoot a six, yell fore, and
write five.
Swing easy. Hit hard.
If you find yourself pleased that
you locate more balls in the rough
than you have actually lost, your
focus is totally wrong, and your
personality might not be right for
golf. It is also just a matter
of time before the IRS investigates
your business.
Why is
it twice as difficult to hit a ball
over water than sand?
The greatest sound in golf is the
Woosh, Woosh, Woosh, of your
opponent's club as he hurls it
across the fairway
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